JESSICABEE!

Lately I've been left wondering why I haven't talked so people I found myself being friends with. I was really good friends with this one girl and now we barely talk. I was friends with another girl in 9th and 10th grade and we haven't talked since 11th grade started. Another friends I haven't really been friends with since 9th and We were friends since first grade. What happened? Was is I that changed, or was it them? Now I have found myself with the 2 friends that I've had forever. Losing friends sucks. alot. I feel like maybe I did something wrong. Maybe I was mean? Or too annoying? Or talked to much?
     I never really had many friends to begin with. I'm not really a social person and I don't talk to many people in school. I know a lot of people and I'm sure people know me. But the thing is, nobody ever talks to me. I know I should make an effort but why don't people come up and talk to me. I see that people go up to others and start talking but not me. Do I really look that uninviting and mean? I wouldn't call myself mean. I can be. I mean anyone can. I know I don't really have friends because I'm quiet. I don't really say much and when I work in groups, I don't reall say anything. I'm not stupid. I know that much. I may not be brilliant but the thing is, I think people expect nothing or little from me. I'm sick of it. People in my Honors Economics class probably wonder "why is SHE taking this class? Its honors" I never took AP I've always taken regents classes. I'm sure a few people have bad things to say about me. But most of them don't really know me. They would probably call me scum, or a low-life or a backstabber. Sure, I've done some pretty mean and stupid things but I want to change. I want to be less quiet and talk to people I was once friends with. Or maybe we aren't friends for a reason. I don't know. I want people to think more of me than just that "quiet, stupid fat girl that looks hunched over" thats not me and I'm fairly sick of it.
I'm sick of people saying "I don't think she can do it" "thats really hard you know" "its really competitive". I'm sick of people trying to control me or something. They think they can step all over me. It has to end.